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Rebuilt
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Posted: Fri Feb 16th, 2007 11:30 pm |
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POLISH DIVORCE
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well
until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he
could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the
circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
Have you any grounds?
Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.
No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
It made of concrete.
I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
No, we have carport, and not need one.
I mean. What are your relations like?
All my relations still in Poland.
Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.
Does your wife beat you up?
No, I always up before her.
Is your wife a nagger?
No, she white.
Why do you want this divorce?
She going to kill me.
What makes you think that?
I got proof.
What kind of proof?
She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on
shelf in bathroom.
I can read, and it say:
"Polish Remover."
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Frankfurt-Beesa
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Posted: Sat Feb 17th, 2007 12:39 am |
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why didn't you continue the other Juke thread?
Very good though
LMAO, ROFL, PMSL, Etc
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Rebuilt
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Posted: Sat Feb 17th, 2007 12:10 pm |
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Frankfurt-Beesa wrote: why didn't you continue the other Juke thread?
Very good though
LMAO, ROFL, PMSL, Etc
Okay....You asked for it...........Don't say I didn't try to stop misell!?
A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman "Can I have a pint of
beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?"
The barman is amazed but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and
cheese toastie.
The rabbit drinks the beer, eats the toastie and leaves.
The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a Pint of beer
and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.
The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and excited by the extra
drinkers in the pub (because word gets round) gives the rabbit the pint
and the toastie.
The rabbit consumes them and leaves.
The next night, the pub is packed, in walks the rabbit and says "A pint
of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman".
The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie
and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down.
The next night there is standing room only in the pub, coaches have been
laid on for the crowds attending and the barman is making more money in
one week than he did all last year.
In walks the rabbit and says "A Pint of Beer and a Ham and Cheese
Toastie, please barman" whilst smiling and acknowledging the tributes of
the masses.
The barman says, "I'm sorry rabbit, me old mate, old mucker but we are
right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties".
The rabbit looks aghast, the crowd goes silent as the the barman clears
his throat nervously and says, "We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion
Toastie".
The rabbit looks him in the eye and says "Are you sure I will like it?"
The masses await in stunned silence.
The barman, with a roguish smile says "Do you think that I would let
down one of my best friends, I know you'll love it".
"Ok" says the rabbit," I'll have a Pint of Beer and a Cheese and Onion
Toastie".
The pub erupts with cheers as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the
toastie, waves to the crowd and leaves....never to return!
One year later in the now impoverished public house, the barman (who had
only served 4 drinks that night, 3 of which were his) calls time.
As he is cleaning down the empty pub, he sees a small white form
floating above the bar "Who are you" he queries.
"I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house"
comes the reply.
The barman says, "I remember you, you made me famous, you would come in
every night and have a Pint of Beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. Crowds
came to see you and this place was famous"
The rabbit says, "Yes I know".
The barman says "On your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese
Toasties, you had a Cheese and Onion one instead"
The rabbit said "Yes, you promised me that I would love it".
The barman said "You never returned - what happened?"
"I DIED", said the Rabbit.
"OH NO!" said the barman,"what from".
After a short pause. The rabbit said...
"MIXIN-ME-TOASTIES"
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jessplop84
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Posted: Sat Feb 17th, 2007 12:15 pm |
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Oh My God! Wasn't translated from hieroglyphics? 
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"Keep the sh!te out of our sheds"*
http://www.yeti-monster.com : applied shedology
*early 1970s shedology campaign slogan.
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Rebuilt
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Posted: Sat Feb 17th, 2007 01:03 pm |
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| I DID warn you!
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NeilD
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Posted: Sat Feb 17th, 2007 01:06 pm |
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it made me laugh!!!  or perhaps its just hysteria setting in, being stuck alone in a windowless room..
Neil
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We are the Angry Mob, We read the papers every day
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Rebuilt
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Posted: Sat Feb 17th, 2007 01:08 pm |
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So are yer in a lift?
Are yer! Going up or down in the world?
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jessplop84
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Posted: Sat Feb 17th, 2007 01:13 pm |
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NeilD wrote: it made me laugh!!! or perhaps its just hysteria setting in, being stuck alone in a windowless room..
Neil
Don't let him out! Too late... 
____________________
"Keep the sh!te out of our sheds"*
http://www.yeti-monster.com : applied shedology
*early 1970s shedology campaign slogan.
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Rebuilt
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Posted: Sat Feb 17th, 2007 01:19 pm |
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Ho, Bugger! Who Let him out?
Talk about getting out...
I went out an' took a look at mi trike.........Look thats all I did..............Came back in for another mug o' tea......Thats me for the day, unless She Who Must Always Be Obeyd, finds me more trivial jobs to do!
I think I better review the situation again........Yeah! I'm off back out!!!!!!!!!!
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LozExpat
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Posted: Sat Feb 17th, 2007 01:21 pm |
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mixing me toasties!
That made me laugh out loud great build up. Now who can I copy and paste it too....
____________________
You can have things or you can have money... So I went for both. They never mentioned frustration...B*stards!
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LozExpat
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Posted: Sat Feb 17th, 2007 01:23 pm |
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| If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holand called Holes?
____________________
You can have things or you can have money... So I went for both. They never mentioned frustration...B*stards!
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Rebuilt
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Posted: Sat Feb 17th, 2007 01:25 pm |
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| Yeah! An what about the folk from Goole..........................Are they called Goolies?
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LozExpat
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Posted: Sat Feb 17th, 2007 01:26 pm |
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nah, if you are from Goole, nobody talks about you. Ever.
____________________
You can have things or you can have money... So I went for both. They never mentioned frustration...B*stards!
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Rebuilt
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Posted: Sat Feb 17th, 2007 01:27 pm |
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| Aww....Thats sad!
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jimmy
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Posted: Sat Feb 17th, 2007 06:43 pm |
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A man walks into abar and asks for a pint of heavy and a packet of hula hoops, eats the hula hoops, drinks the beer and leaves.
Next night he returns and asks for a pint of heavy an a packet of hula hoops, eats the hoops drinks the beer and leaves
this goes on for a week or so til the barman thinks he`s got it sussed and has the pint of heavy and packet of hula hoops ready for him.
Then the guy walks into the bar with a big blonde on his arm and asks for a pint of heavy and a bacardi and coke...the barman asks hula hoops?
the guy replies
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
No ma hole a hope 
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Posted: Sat Feb 17th, 2007 10:26 pm |
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LozExpat
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Posted: Sun Feb 18th, 2007 12:04 am |
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I know its early, but I just don't get that one...
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You can have things or you can have money... So I went for both. They never mentioned frustration...B*stards!
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fastfranky
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Posted: Sun Feb 18th, 2007 09:09 am |
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| Me neither, Maybe it's a scottish thing?
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(¯`·.¸¸.2fast2live2young2die.¸¸.·´¯)
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jessplop84
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Posted: Sun Feb 18th, 2007 09:23 am |
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Hoola hoops? mahola hopes! 
Still nothin'?
____________________
"Keep the sh!te out of our sheds"*
http://www.yeti-monster.com : applied shedology
*early 1970s shedology campaign slogan.
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Posted: Sun Feb 18th, 2007 11:41 am |
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Hoola hoops?
mahola hopes!
The guys hoping he's on a promise?
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