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SMIFFY R
Member
| Joined: | Tue Apr 3rd, 2007 |
| Location: | Le Grau Du Roi, France |
| Posts: | 665 |
| Favourite Bike: | Egli-Vincent |
| Status: |
Offline
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| Mana: |    |
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Posted: Sun Sep 28th, 2008 08:43 am |
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| Hypnotist travelling on a train,when a very attractive girl arrives and sits in the compartement,as the journey progres's he starts to think,and decides to try his hypnotic powers on her,so he sends her into a trance,then starts to play with her,as he feels her breasts he says"What am I doing?"the girl replies"You're touching my breasts,and there's nothing I can do about it"he slips his hand into her panties and starts to play with her,asking"What am I doing?"she replies"You're getting me all excited and wet and there's nothing I can do about it"Gaining confidence he starts to screw her,as he's shafting away he says"What am I doing?"she replies"You're catching the biggest dose of clap ever,and there's nothing I can do about it!"
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The meek shall inherit the earth,umm,if that's alright with you guys
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james guthrie w
Member
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Posted: Fri Oct 3rd, 2008 11:11 pm |
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| Paddy and Murphy working on a building site . Paddy says to Murphy "i fancy a day off i,m gonna pretend i,m mad" with that he climbs the rafters,hangs upside down and shouts "I,M A LIGHTBULB!"while Murphy watches in amazement. The foreman sees this and shouts "Paddy get down,pack your tools,yer mad,go home!"he does so and leaves site.Murphy starts packing up ,foreman says,"where are you going Murphy?""well" says Murphy,"i can,t work in the f*cking dark now can i?"
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after instilling the 'share your toys ethic'in my children,they decided i had to share my toys as well!
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Pooh
Member
| Joined: | Sun May 11th, 2008 |
| Location: | Daventry, United Kingdom |
| Posts: | 1167 |
| Favourite Bike: | BMW R80/7 CCM Supermoto |
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Posted: Sun Oct 5th, 2008 09:59 am |
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Bloke walks into the doctors and says "Doc I think i'm a moth" Doctor says "you dont need me you need a psychatrist" Guy says "well I was on the way there but I saw your light on"
Boom Boom
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The Luddite formally known as Cliff
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peppy
Member
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Posted: Sun Oct 5th, 2008 11:25 am |
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a bloke is looking for a cheap prostitute and his mate says they is one in the next street
she is cheap because she is deaf and dumb so he goes to see her and starts to have sex with her
but as he is going through the motions the pro keeps pointing towards the cieling and muttering to him
so he looks up and sees 2 baked been cans hanging there
so he carries on thinking she is crazy as well as deaf and dumb
she pionts to the cieling again and mutters quite loud this time
the bloke thinks ive had enough of this and buggers of he sees his mate later on
and says to him that pro you sent me to see she crazy man why asks his mate
she kept pointing to the cieling and they was 2 baked bean tins hangig there
his mate replies that because she was trying to tel you it tin tin
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http://www.apincorporated.com/
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james guthrie w
Member
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Posted: Tue Oct 7th, 2008 10:55 pm |
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| a vicar books into a hotel room & says to the receptionist"i hope the porn chanel in my room is disabled?"she replies,"no sir,it,s just regular porn ,you sick b*stard"
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after instilling the 'share your toys ethic'in my children,they decided i had to share my toys as well!
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Frankfurt-Beesa
Member
| Joined: | Tue Jan 2nd, 2007 |
| Location: | Frankfurt Am Main, Germany |
| Posts: | 7884 |
| Favourite Bike: | My little HodgePodge |
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| Mana: | |
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Posted: Thu Oct 16th, 2008 02:54 pm |
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A guy was stranded on a desert island with Heidi Klum. Initially, he played it cool, not making any moves on her for several weeks.
Finally, he asked her if they could start a physical relationship, so as to attend to each other’s needs. Heidi was game, and a very nice sexual relationship began.
After several months, the guy approached Heidi and said, “I have a problem…It’s kind of a guy thing, but I need to ask you a favor.” Heidi replied, “Okay,” to which he asked, “Can I borrow your eyebrow pencil?”
Heidi looked at him in confusion, but obliged.
The guy then asked, “Do you mind if I use the eyebrow pencil to draw a mustache on you?” Heidi was growing worried, but again obliged, so the guy drew a mustache on her.
Then the guy said, “Can you wear some of my clothes? I need for you to look more like a man.” Heidi was becoming disappointed at this point, but hesitantly put on his clothes.
Finally, the guy said to Heidi, “Do you mind if I call you Phil?” Heidi had now become very dejected, and said “No, I guess not, you can call me Phil.”
So, the guy reached out and grabbed Heidi by the arms and shouted “Phil, you won’t believe who I have been sleeping with!”
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Frankfurt-Beesa
Member
| Joined: | Tue Jan 2nd, 2007 |
| Location: | Frankfurt Am Main, Germany |
| Posts: | 7884 |
| Favourite Bike: | My little HodgePodge |
| Status: |
Offline
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| Mana: | |
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Posted: Wed Oct 29th, 2008 03:20 pm |
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A cabbie picks up a Nun.
She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:
#1, you have to be single and
#2, you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"
"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."
The nun fulfils his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."
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james guthrie w
Member
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Posted: Thu Oct 30th, 2008 11:27 pm |
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McVities have just bought out a new biscuit called clitoris creams,they carry a guarantee,one lick and you,re gonna want to eat the box!
Nike are making trainers for lesbians,they are calling them "Nikes for dykes"you get 50% more tongue and you can get them off with one finger!
a man went to the doctors and said "i think my wife is dead"the doctor says "are you sure?" man said "well the sex is the same, but the ironing is piling up"
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after instilling the 'share your toys ethic'in my children,they decided i had to share my toys as well!
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james guthrie w
Member
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Posted: Fri Oct 31st, 2008 09:42 pm |
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Dear Jonathan Ross,
i,ve shagged your daughter! who,s laughing now?
lots of love ,Gary Glitter.
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after instilling the 'share your toys ethic'in my children,they decided i had to share my toys as well!
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dai bando
Member
| Joined: | Tue Oct 7th, 2008 |
| Location: | Dorset, United Kingdom |
| Posts: | 34 |
| Favourite Bike: | not sure yet |
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| Mana: | |
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Posted: Thu Nov 6th, 2008 12:40 pm |
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An Welshman, a Frenchman and an American are out walking on the beach one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.
“I will give you each one wish, ” says the genie.
The American says, “I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in America.” With a blink of the genie’s eye, ‘FOOM’ - the land in America was forever made fertile for farming.
The Frenchman was amazed, so he said, “I want a wall around France, so that no one can come into our precious country.” Again, with a blink of the Genie’s eye, ‘POOF’ - there was a huge wall around France.
The Welshman asks, “I’m very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.
The Genie explains, “Well, it’s about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out.”
The Welshman says, “Fill it up with water.”
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james guthrie w
Member
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Posted: Fri Nov 14th, 2008 10:25 pm |
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a girl is standing at the pearly gates when she hears horrible screams coming from within.she asks st Peter what the screams are.he replies "thats the sound of angels having holes drilled in there backs for wings"she says"i think i would rather go to hell"st Peter replies "in hell you will suffer fornication and buggery"she replies "well at least i,ve already got the holes for that!"
why cant a man ever please a woman? because no man has a dick made of chocolate that ejaculates money
wife in front of the mirror says"i,m ugly,my boobs sag & my arse is fat,give me a compliment"he replies"your eyesight is still fantastic my dear"
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after instilling the 'share your toys ethic'in my children,they decided i had to share my toys as well!
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james guthrie w
Member
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Posted: Fri Nov 14th, 2008 10:39 pm |
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a man goes to the doctors for a penis extension.doctor suggests a baby elephants trunk stitched on for £3000.the man agrees. some time after the operation,the man has taken an attractive lady to dinner and during intimate conversation he feels an unusual stirring in his pants,suddenly his very large penis flies out of his trousers and steals a bun off the table and goes back."wow!" says the woman,very impressed,"can u do that again?"he replies with tears in his eyes,my cock can,but i don,t think my arse can take another bun
wife comes home early and catches her hubby having a w*nk in the kitchen.she rushes over and gives him the best blow job he,s had since they got married.after he says"we haven,t had sex for six months and now suddenly this!,why?"she answers,"i washed the kitchen floor this morning and i would rather brush my teeth than clean the f*cking floor again!
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after instilling the 'share your toys ethic'in my children,they decided i had to share my toys as well!
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SMIFFY R
Member
| Joined: | Tue Apr 3rd, 2007 |
| Location: | Le Grau Du Roi, France |
| Posts: | 665 |
| Favourite Bike: | Egli-Vincent |
| Status: |
Offline
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| Mana: | |
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Posted: Sun Nov 16th, 2008 08:56 am |
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What do you call a man with no legs or arms in a swimming pool?
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BOB
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The meek shall inherit the earth,umm,if that's alright with you guys
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